If you watch much television this month, you might believe that the holidays are the happiest time of year for everyone. But talk to real people and you'll hear the same thing over and over. "I hate the holidays. It's so stressful!"

We all want the dream--a perfect family in a perfect house unwrapping the perfect gifts for which they'll be perfectly grateful.

But the truth is, most of our lives are less than perfect. We'll celebrate the holidays amid the chaos of family members that fight, cars that break down, children that get sick, houses that go into foreclosure and friends that treat us like doormats.

The disparity between the TV fantasy and real life can cause a great deal of stress, especially when we try to force ourselves to fit the mold of those shiny TV moments.

That stress is amplified when you live with pain.

Pain has a way of making everything more difficult. Wrapping gifts with arthritic fingers isn't a joy. Standing in line so the kids can see Santa while your back is screaming in agony isn't going to be a happy memory. Traveling across the country to see family knowing that visit will trigger migraine attacks isn't going to make anyone sing "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!"

All these things cause stress. And you know what happens when people with a pain problem get stressed?

They feel more pain.

It's a vicious cycle, one that trapped me year after year until I committed murder.
I really did.

I killed the dream.

One year I didn't put up a tree. I didn't mail cards. I didn't buy gifts. I didn't go to parties. Because I was in too much pain to do much of anything, I did nothing. I reached down into the part of me that wished like anything I could have the TV Special Holiday and I strangled it to death. And then I turned my back on Christmas and pretended it had nothing to do with me.

I admit I felt pangs of guilt and regret throughout that month, especially as the TV bombarded me with its endless demands that I be happy and merry and bright and spend more than I could afford.

But the day after Christmas, when those demands stopped, so did my angst. Gone. Gone in a heartbeat. In its place was only peace.

There was no tree to take down. No decorations to pack away. No mess to clean up. Life quickly swung right back into its normal pattern and I felt…strangely happy.

I didn't have a single regret. It had been a very calm holiday. Nothing bad had happened. And my pain had been remarkable bearable.

I suddenly realized that all the stress I used to deal with during the holidays--and my increased pain level-- was entirely self-imposed. All I had to do to stop it was stop trying to beat my lumpy, messy life into the mold of the shiny TV fantasy.

I learned a great lesson that year. Call it a Christmas Miracle! I learned that I cause my own stress and much of my own pain. And I learned that when I make choices that honor my real needs in my real life, as it really is, it's better for me and everyone that has to be around me.

After that Christmas, I took a class on stress management. I read a lot of books. I learned to take responsibility for my own stress level and to take action when it's on the rise. I learned to ask for help when it gets beyond me.

Learning to control stress has been a very important part of my recovery from disabling pain. It's one of the things that helped me get out of bed and get back to work.

Your stress level and your pain level are connected at the hip, like Siamese twins. When stress goes up, pain goes up. Learn to reduce your stress and you'll automatically reduce your pain. To help you, I've created a book titled "Stress Relief For People With Pain." This book is my gift to you, in hopes that you will use it this holiday and all the coming year.

Accept it with my wishes that your bumpy, messy and very real life be wonderful now and forever!

Sincerely,

Bonnie Boots

 

The book is free. And you're free to share it with family and friends. Give it away on your blog or website or send them here to this page to pick it up.

The book is in PDF format and can be read on any computer. To download it right click on the book cover.  When the menu pops up, choose "save link as" and tell your computer to save the file to your desktop.